Thursday, 5 February 2015

Insecure Writer's Support Group: Self Sabotage

Insecure Writer's Support Group is a blog hop hosted by Alex J. Cavanaugh where totally insecure writers can get together and share the things that are making us go argh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
      I started writing my current WIP in 2010. In all that time I've been dreaming about the day that I would publish my first novel. Though it's been a long road that day is drawing closer and my WIP is getting more polished. It's been through countless beta reads, two professional editors and I've made many enquiries about cover art and formatting. My goal of publishing has never been more achievable and if I'm honest I could probably publish any day now and yet I find myself procrastinating.
      My final edits from my proof reader were returned to me in early November. At the time I was in the throes of NaNoWriMo so I put editing aside in order to win NaNo. Then December came and I got busy with the holiday season. I had a break from work for most of January and I convinced myself that before I could publish my WIP I needed to have the second book in the series fully drafted. So that's what I've been working on. Very slowly I might add. I finally dawned on me last night that I was unconsciously putting off taking steps to publish my novel and I'm beginning to see that I've sabotaging myself on purpose.
     Though there are many reasons for this and I'm sure others do it too, I think my reluctance comes from a place of high expectation that I'm afraid I won't be able to meet. I know my chances of selling millions of books is almost nil and that very few authors are incredibly successful. I've had these things drilled into me by many a self publishing blog and my logical brain has accepted this. Sadly, there is still a tiny part of me that is holding out hope for a fantastic debut and this little part is too scared to publish in case it is disappointed. I think when the time comes I will have someone else push the button.