Random Thoughts

It's the Easter long weekend this weekend and I have four days in which to either work furiously and get a whole bunch of stuff done, or flit it away procrastinating on the internet. Guess which one is winning out at the moment?
       My thoughts are too scattered at the moment for any kind of structured blogging so I thought I might just jot down a few things that have been going through my head:

• Multi-tasking seems to be the thing which threatens to kill all my productivity. Ironic isn't it? I get so caught up wanting to do so many things at the same time that I end up nothing finishing any of them. 

• Reading has taken a huge back step in the last few months now that I've gone back to work. Even though I've been enjoying books more than I did in the last few years I'm still having a hard time pinning down quiet time to read.

• I have started writing fan fiction for the MCU instead of working on my actual novels. Part of it is because I am annoyed that the pair I ship isn't very popular (even though they are the best!) and the other part is that I've had all these stories pop up in my head since I first saw The Avengers in 2012 and if I don't get it down it'll just distract me during Camp NaNoWriMo.

• Oh yeah I'm participating in Camp NaNoWriMo yet again. Despite my best efforts to make writing a daily habit the only way I seem to be able to write anymore is during some kind of NaNo. So next month I will be trying to sprint to that 50k again. 

• My garden is looking totally worse for wear now that summer has ended. I'll admit I was pretty slack this summer and with the possibility of mice in the garden I really didn't want to be in there more than I had to. This meant a lot of my stuff is overgrown and/or dying because I couldn't be bothered watering it. I've made a concentrated effort to try harder in Autumn. Feel kind of bad that the two things I love most (gardening and writing) are always the things I let slip when I'm stressed. 

• Blogging has taken a huge hit. Mostly because this is meant to be a book/writing blog and I have done neither with much consistency in the last 6 months.  Apologies to all my friends whose posts I missed. I am working on a better schedule so that I'm not MIA so much from now on.

Anyway, that's all from my end for now.  See you on the other side of April!

Insecure Writer's Support Group: Self Sabotage

Insecure Writer's Support Group is a blog hop hosted by Alex J. Cavanaugh where totally insecure writers can get together and share the things that are making us go argh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
      I started writing my current WIP in 2010. In all that time I've been dreaming about the day that I would publish my first novel. Though it's been a long road that day is drawing closer and my WIP is getting more polished. It's been through countless beta reads, two professional editors and I've made many enquiries about cover art and formatting. My goal of publishing has never been more achievable and if I'm honest I could probably publish any day now and yet I find myself procrastinating.
      My final edits from my proof reader were returned to me in early November. At the time I was in the throes of NaNoWriMo so I put editing aside in order to win NaNo. Then December came and I got busy with the holiday season. I had a break from work for most of January and I convinced myself that before I could publish my WIP I needed to have the second book in the series fully drafted. So that's what I've been working on. Very slowly I might add. I finally dawned on me last night that I was unconsciously putting off taking steps to publish my novel and I'm beginning to see that I've sabotaging myself on purpose.
     Though there are many reasons for this and I'm sure others do it too, I think my reluctance comes from a place of high expectation that I'm afraid I won't be able to meet. I know my chances of selling millions of books is almost nil and that very few authors are incredibly successful. I've had these things drilled into me by many a self publishing blog and my logical brain has accepted this. Sadly, there is still a tiny part of me that is holding out hope for a fantastic debut and this little part is too scared to publish in case it is disappointed. I think when the time comes I will have someone else push the button.